GOODBYE, AU REVOIR, AUF WIEDERSEHEN {KIND OF…} >

GOODBYE, AU REVOIR, AUF WIEDERSEHEN {KIND OF…} >

GOODBYE, AU REVOIR, AUF WIEDERSEHEN {KIND OF…} >

“Trauma permanently changes us. This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it”. The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a NEW NORMAL in its wake. There is no “back to the old me”. You are different now, full stop.

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life – warts, wisdom and all – WITH COURAGE” – Catherine Woodiwiss.


On 25th August 2014 and 4th January 2017, my life changed forever for two very different reasons. The first, learning I was pregnant with our precious Mia Grace after a long battle with infertility. The second, learning we would lose our second daughter, Charlotte Rose. Both of my daughters have changed me as a person and for the most part, for the better. However, by choosing to share many intimate experiences along the way with my online community, my mental and emotional health has suffered. While I still harbour a lot of anger and blame towards certain individuals and many ‘groups’ of women in relation to this, I ultimately have to take responsibility as I put ‘it’ out there.

When I first started writing my blog many moons ago, it was for no other reason than to create an online portfolio of what I loved to do in order to land my ‘dream job’. This included: photography, writing, make-up, farrrshion and lifestyle related styling. Many of you wouldn’t know that I am actually an introvert and extremely shy at times. However, when I am behind my keyboard and writing my soul feels free, I feel confident in myself and I feel like ME. I am not an attention seeker and I detest being the centre of attention. In hindsight, particularly coming from a marketing and advertising background, I should never have created a blog/brand that was about ME and MY FAMILY. I truly never anticipated more than a handful of family and friends would ever read my blog, but here we are and THANK YOU. The content I have shared over the years was purely that, it was a few of my life experiences and hobbies, SHARED. I am 100% about embracing the philosophy of EACH TO THEIR OWN, and if my journey could assist or inspire just one person in any way, then that was a bonus. I am soooo about supporting the sisterhood, so much so that when a certain network approached me for a certain show that is currently airing (and not doing so well!), my passion for supporting every woman and mother without judgement was seemingly… ‘too boring’. Yet time and time again I’ve found myself embroiled in such vicious hatred for just being me and going about my own business. I feel this is reflective of where social media has taken motherhood in 2017 – a space where many judge, a space where it’s simply too easy to literally pass judgment, a space where many seem to get pleasure out of shaming others and of course throwing around BULLSHIT descriptions like “you are/aren’t a real mum”. UM, what the flaming heck is a “real mum”? Last time I checked, MG was mine and I am hers. Hmmm. It is for this very reason, I AM DONE. I AM CHECKING-OUT, because I have learnt I will never ‘win’ this war of words and the only person it’s damaging in the process is me.

At 31 years of age do I think i’m the perfect human being? HELL NO. Am I 100% happy with every aspect of myself or my life? HELL NO. What I do know is, happiness from the inside out is imperative. After experiencing almost eight months now of hell, a living nightmare and a trauma I will never get past, I do know what’s important. It’s about perspective, loving and owning who you are (warts and all) and being totally unapologetic. While I also consider myself pretty social media savvy, I certainly haven’t mastered being able to shut out the shit. In my rational mind I know most of the hate and negativity I have received is a dark reflection of that particular person, it still cuts deep. I am also in a very vulnerable state of treading water right now too. Juggling the loss of our daughter, while struggling daily with my infertility and health simultaneously. Sure there a gentle days, but the dark ones are also never far away, and they hurt so profoundly. This is again why I am distancing the intimacy of the ins and outs of my life an my family. I want to limit images I share of MG and again focus on why I started writing in the first place. I want SISJ to be a beautiful, pretty, pink obsessed hub of all things beauty, lace, make-up, dresses, travel and interiors – of course with my hilarious and educational commentary along the way!

It’s truly with a heavy heart that I sign-off from this chapter of my life and my work. For the most part it has been fulfilling beyond belief. I’ve met some incredible people, made many new friends and connections and the overwhelming support for my journey (particularly after losing Charlotte) has been positive. So why leave? Why let the few Miserable Maureens ‘win’? Because, FAMILY COMES FIRST AND SO DO I. I did not sign-up to be bullied, unfairly and wrongly criticised, so this is simply me taking the power back where it belongs. WITH MOI!

SO, WHAT NOW FOR SHE IS, SARAH JANE?

Surprise, surprise, I’m still Sarah Jane and really not a whole lot will change. I will be no ‘less real’ or ‘more real’, I will just be focussing on what I LOVE and sharing it with whoever will listen. I have two new photographers starting with me on an ongoing basis from mid August and I cannot wait to show you what we have planned. WARNING: my Instagram will continue to contain a shitload of pink and every shade in-between. I will continue to share my hair and beauty tips, even dabbling in some videos (ahhh, kill me now I HATE public speaking!) and we’ll be ramping it up in the fashion stakes. I hope you all understand this shift and my rather emotional dribble of words. Life is too short not to at least try and be happy, be the BEST possible person you can be and to do what makes YOU happy.

One last thing, I would like to thank EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. YOU. who purchased one of our Charlotte Rose x Shanghai Suzy Lipsticks in honour of our sleeping angel. Together we raised $13, 289.02 for Bears of Hope and well, that’s just bloody fantastic. Each of you honoured our little rose petal and all the families affected by stillbirth, pregnancy loss and neonatal death. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

SJ x

SARAH JANE YOUNG, SHANGHAI SUZY LIPSTICKS, BEARS OF HOPE, STILLBIRTH, STILLBORN, 21 WEEKS, PREGNANCY LOSS, MISCARRIAGE, MY HEART KID, MUMMY BLOGGER

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