STILLBORN, BUT STILL BORN

STILLBORN, BUT STILL BORN

SARAH JANE YOUNG, SHANGHAI SUZY, ZOE KARLIS MAKE-UP, MARY MARY STUDIO, BEARS OF HOPE, STILLBORN, 21 WEEKS, PREGNANCY, MUMMY BLOGGER

IN MEMORY OF CHARLOTTE ROSE – STILLBORN, BUT STILL BORN >


As most of you know by now we lost our baby girl just over four weeks ago. In those four weeks every single day has been different. Some have been ok, some have been meh and some have been really shitty. When people say “it gets easier” – it does and it doesn’t. I think it’s more that you just learn to live (survive) at a different pace, in a totally different world. You don’t so much accept what has happened because it isn’t fair, but you do to some degree accept that you now have to co-exist with this emptiness and pain. I have now stopped actually still feeling pregnant (that was horrific…), but hormonally things are still settling down. To go through the trauma of childbirth at 21 weeks and then to have your baby taken from you is so unnatural and cruel. I crave her in my arms, my breasts ache for her… Literally. Those maternal instincts are so incredibly strong. I think most nights I still cry myself to sleep. You forensically analyse your entire pregnancy and the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘I should have been 25 weeks today etc.’ just keep coming.

In addition to my little rose petal, I am blessed to have a few more guardian angels in my life. A beautiful friend of mine also lost her little baby, he was 32 weeks. Her advice and support throughout this entire ordeal have been amazing and I really don’t think I would be standing here as strong as I am, without it. She bought me a beautiful scent (Rose Pompon – Annick Goutal) which I sprayed on me during my labour, all over Charlotte Rose’s blanket and clothes at the hospital. I can’t even begin to describe how much this gesture means to me. I am someone who has always strongly associated smell with memories and every single time I spray this (every night before I go to bed as I kiss her ashes and tell her I love her…) or smell a rose, I get this sensation all over my body that she is here with me. My mind instantly goes back to those two days where I held her in my arms – where she belongs. I can once again feel the touch of her skin, holding her tiny hands in mine… It’s so, so powerful. When I walked into the studios yesterday and smelt and saw all the roses that my lovely friend Kate had waiting for me, I just burst into tears. It was so overwhelming. It was like she was everywhere in that room but also no-where… It was very bittersweet.

In the days after losing our little rose petal, I knew I needed to work on a project I could pour my heart and energy into for her, and for other families who understand this pain and loss. I reached out to one of my very best friends of over 17 years, Joanna French, who is the owner and creative genius behind Shanghai Suzy. I asked if we could create a lipstick in her honour and donate what we could to an organisation that supports those affected by pregnancy and infant loss. Being the wonderful person that she is, she was on-board 100% and promised to make this so, so special.

{ SOME PICS FROM OUR PHOTOSHOOT YESTERDAY > }

SARAH JANE YOUNG, SHANGHAI SUZY, ZOE KARLIS MAKE-UP, MARY MARY STUDIO, BEARS OF HOPE, STILLBORN, 21 WEEKS, PREGNANCY, MUMMY BLOGGER, cass deller

 

SARAH JANE YOUNG, SHANGHAI SUZY, ZOE KARLIS MAKE-UP, MARY MARY STUDIO, BEARS OF HOPE, STILLBORN, 21 WEEKS, PREGNANCY, MUMMY BLOGGER, cass deller

 

For me, my escape and creative outlet has always been my writing – hence why I started She is, Sarah Jane. I also heal through my words. In the days and weeks following Charlotte Rose’s passing, I wrote several blog posts about how I was dealing with the grief, but also mentioned a little teddy bear we received at the hospital. This was a teddy from Bears of Hope and it was in loving memory of a little boy called Harry Keightley, born on 13th November 2010. I expressed how grateful we were for receiving this teddy bear and that one day I would love to get in touch with Harry’s parents and thank them. Four days later this happened and what followed was truly amazing.

Harry’s beautiful mummy emailed me and said a friend had seen my post and told her. She shared in the grief of losing a baby and then told me 14 months after they lost Harry they conceived their ‘rainbow baby’, and that her name is Charlotte Rose! She also mentioned it was her fifth birthday the very next day! To this day when I think of this it still gives me tingles and I have faith this was the first of many signs from our darling angel. I speak with Harry’s mummy regularly and she has been an incredible source of support. After receiving this initial email I knew Bears of Hope was the one! Bears of Hope comfort, acknowledge, inform, empower and guide families during their time of loss.

This beautiful lipstick will be available to purchase online in the next few months and will be a limited edition. We hope you all can enjoy what we’ve created and wear it with pride. This Charlotte Rose x Shanghai Suzy lipstick is in loving memory of Charlotte Rose Young and all the babies who grew their tiny wings too soon.


LOGO DESIGN: Cass Deller / HAIR: Mhairi McQueen / MAKE-UP: Zoe Karlis / FLOWERS & HEAD PIECE: Kate from Mary Mary Studio / VIDEOGRAPHER: Phil from Thick Black Frames

To Jo, Kate, Zoe, Phil, Mhairi, Ed, Cass, Lauren and Anna… Thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing her memory to life. This is the greatest gift and thank you for being part of her lasting legacy. SJ x

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